I've been away for awhile living my life and moving on, but more on that later. For me, moving on does not mean abandoning what I've lived through. Bereavement is now a part of me and adds to my perspective, but I don't cling to grief or push it on everyone I meet. Over time my identity as a widow has blended with other aspects of my life and personality. I've consciously sought wholeness and fought against indiscriminately stuffing the spaces left empty when Al died. Friends, lay and religious counselling, and self-inquiry have helped, as has the passage of time.
Unrelieved, unprocessed grief--grief that is harbored--is not healthy. We who were left behind are supposed to live. Anyway, that's how I see it.
I can understand, though, people who hold on to their mourning. I think, at least in part, it's a reaction to our culture's suppression of grief displays. Our culture is riddled with unexpressed grief. It gnaws off its own limbs in futile attempts to disown this most basic part of our destiny. Well it can't be denied for long. It merely dislocates and crops up as rage, paranoia, and ruthlessness. Or numbness. Just look at us, so afraid of sadness. Let me tell you something--sadness doesn't kill when you acknowledge and respect it. Then you can move on.
